and then I came home and cried...

Yesterday was hard. No, it was really, really hard. I think I would've cried a bucket of tears if I had not been surrounded by people...namely, my friends. Friends with kids who obey them.

And there I sat.

Asking him to do something over and over. And did he respond? No. Did he obey? No. In fact, that's all I heard. "NO!" and then my faced turned scarlet in embarrassment and my heart ached like never before.

Why did it ache?

For plenty of reasons, actually. Because my child is turning into a little man. Because he doesn't want to listen. Because I was ignored. Because I was ignored in front of others. Because I was embarrassed about being ignored in front of others. Because I questioned where I'd gone wrong, what had I not done right, even wondered why I was trying, and then feeling guilty that I wondered why I was trying.

Every mom goes through something. And it may not be this. Maybe you're child's quiet. Too quiet. Maybe their bully-ish. Maybe they are bossy. But even knowing that we all have our battles, I sat there on that beige carpet, surrounded by friends, feeling ashamed and so alone.

And then I came home and cried.

People will give advice and pointers and try their best to help. They'll give scripture and remedies and books and quote great authors. But when you're sitting there, a complete mess and ready to give up, all you can do it pray. And so I did... And to all of you sweet moms out there giving it your best and it doesn't seem good enough. Just know, it's not. But His best is perfect.

Lord help me when the days are so long,
and my temper is so short,
and my eyes are tired, and my arms ache, and my spirit is sad.
Lord help me when my flesh is stronger than my knowledge of You,
and my tears flow more than the smiles do,
and my heart breaks more than it laughs.
Lord help me when I more like me than I am like You,
when I'm less of the mother I should be and more of the sinner You redeemed.
when I am more of what I am than what You would have me become. And help me as I teach them to be like You, to learn more of You myself.

Eating me outta house and home

So he's finally decided to walk from one place to another. Granted, it's short lived, but it's something different.
I am just amazed that in a few short months he has grown from laying peacefully in my arms to completely ransacking the house, playing in the toilets and getting cracker crumbs on every inch of my rug. He's disgusting, but in a cute way :)

He's been putting away the food too. HOKEY CHICKENS! I will say this, I'm just glad we don't live in a gingerbread house. 'Cause I'd be rollin' up in the Wal-mart parking lot and heading to the camping section to buy a tent. really. he eats more than I do.

This collaboration is a collage of two events: one, a Monday at home with daddy where he begged for a cracker (rice cake) for almost an hour and finally got one (after just finishing a huge lunch) and two, yesterday where he decided to eat 3 man-sized bowls of Cheerios and drink water from my glass. that was sitting. on the coffee table. so I guess he thought it was his? Anyway, he knows how to drink from an adult glass now...sort of. I only fill it up 1/3 of the way. Overall, you will notice that the kid is eating in every picture...if not, he's crying. Probably because he's not eating.

Tyler helped out a little with the first few, love that guy.

Drama for his mama.

This face...ohmycute. Check the tear glistening on the right :(

 He decides that he is, in fact, happy and wants to share his "cra-tter" with me.

"I LOVE my Cra-tter"

"You want some, Dad?"

That's his cutie little tushie from under the coffee table.

Wow. After that, I know. Can you even handle anymore??? Ok then. You asked for it.

 Not only does the camera love him, he loves the camera ;)

*choke, cough cough

There ya have it. Don't say I never post any pictures of him anymore ;)