Monday, July 2, 2012

{the second birth} | part two

(this is part two of the second birth story, you may want to read Part 1 first by clicking here)

Wednesday afternoon was quiet and uneventful. My mom and dad told me I should go lie down, so I did. I remember watching a few "Comfort Measures, by Penny Simkin" Youtube videos and some relaxtion videos then drifting off into a relaxed dreamy state. I woke up to potty 15 minutes later, fumed about it for 10 more minutes, then went back to sleep.

I got up about an hour and a half later feeling rested. I remember looking around my was clean and calm. It was peaceful. Will was asleep down the hall. My parents were in the living room reading. I decided right there, that "...after church tonight, I'll be ready. It's time."

My closet was a mess of over-worn maternity clothes, so I opted for a jean skirt, along with a sweater over a mustard tee and tied a bow around it that sat a top of my big round belly. I teased my hair, pulled it up into a messy bun, and put on some make-up.

*looking into the mirror down at my belly...

"I'm ready if you are. I'm happy to meet you, little one. I love you. Daddy loves you. Will...well, he's gonna love you too."

We left for church.

This time I only got one, "You haven't had that baby yet?!?" comment. (See previous pregnancy comments because of being passed due). Pretty sure that's because we didn't tell anyone our due date this time around.

On purpose.

Well, after church, Tyler told me that Pastor was going to be out of town on Sunday and he was going to have the opportunity to preach that night in our church. I remember looking at him and saying that it was exciting but how sad I was to miss it, since "I was really wanting to have the baby on Friday."

He laughed at me.

I wasn't kidding. Well, not totally anyways.

Will and I hopped in the car and headed home. It was such a happy drive and a beautiful evening. The Moon was big and bold, full and clear. It was in the mid-fifties temperature-wise and I was ready for a night of sweet sleep.

We got home and I went to get change the pillowcase on Will's bed. As I stepped into his room, I felt a slightly wet and cold sensation. I remember stopping and thinking..."uhhhmmm. My bladder's not full. uhhh...?" I bent over and laid the pillow in his bed. There it went again. I went to the restroom to check to see what was going on and my underwear was definitely a tinge damp. I sent a hilarious text message to my midwife. I believe it went something like
"Just so you know... water may or may not have just trickled a little into my underwear. but I'm not sure. It didn't feel like didn't smell like pee...Uhhh...this is not a joke."

Then I sent one to my birth photographer.

Then my best friend ("videographer").

Then my doula.

And then Tyler.

And then I ran to the bathroom and gushed out a ton in the toilet. But I couldn't stop it. It felt like I was going to the bathroom but I was sure that I wasn't. Definitely one of the most odd feelings I've ever been privileged to feel.

Tyler was home in a little while and he laughed when he realized I was sportin' Depends. Cautiously getting up into the bed, I decided that even though I was terribly excited, that I HAD to calm down and not get to anxious. I needed to sleep if this was to be the night. Tyler and I lay in bed, talking and smiling and ready for quite awhile, then suddenly I began to get nervous again. I started telling Tyler that I was a little afraid. He asked me what I was afraid of and I answered, "...everything. The pain. The fear. The tiredness. the Deppression afterwards." I began shaking with violent chills and sat up, scared. (We've since learned that I do this when I'm incredibly nervous or anxious about the unknown. I did this in my home when in labor with Will. We thought I was in Transition, but when we reached the hospital I was only at a 5.) Tyler told me to calm down. "Lay down and think about how happy we'll be as a family. I'm right here, I'm not leaving. You're ok," he spoke with complete calmness and sureness. After a about 10 minutes, the chills stopped, and I drifted into a deep sleep.

I woke up several times in the night to use the bathroom, but would always return to bed and instantly start dreaming again. I have to say though that every time I got up to go to the bathroom I was so scared that I was going to start labor while I was on the toilet. I have the most *ahem* how shall we say, "effective" contractions while in that position..."effective" and painful.

Well, we woke up the next morning and...nothing. Not even a hint of a contraction still. I texted my midwife and she asked that I go up to the BC at some point in the day and be tested to make sure it was indeed my water breaking. Hubs went to work and my parents came over (still having no clue what was going on, I should say) and brought breakfast. I put on my most comfortable/decent looking pajama pants and a hot pink maternity sweater and told my mom that I needed to go up to the BC for some vitamins.

She was none-the-wiser and I actually did need some more B-complex. I left. It was amniotic fluid. I came home.

Fast forward through a day of silent anticipation, mixed with feelings of uncertainty, and a little bit of "Come-on-lets-just-get-this-over-withness" and you have that Thursday. Tyler came home at about 5:15, dinner wasn't even started and I asked him if we could go on "one last date". He said sure. My parents had told us earlier in the week that we needed to try to go out one more time without the baby and I had nodded in agreement but didn't really think it was necessary. But at this point, I knew. I just knew this was it.

I also knew that I needed a steak.

So we went to Outback :) yum. I got me a 6oz sirloin, and mashed potatoes, and vegetables, and we had calamari, and boy was it good! Oh ya, and my parents paid so it tasted even better. We spent the evening talking and holding hands and eating slowly, sans two-year old. And it really was lovely. I told him that I was finally, mentally ready, and I wasn't afraid anymore. I also told him that I thought it "might happen tonight." And he smiled, thinking I didn't really know. But I did.

We went home and my parents had put Will in his bed (after giving him gummi worms and ice cream, thanks guys) but he was still up, talking, laughing and singing to himself in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, making melody in his heart. *random Ephesians 5:19 reference

They left to go back to my in-law's house where they were staying and we were left alone...with a singing two-year old.
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