Is this how it feels?

He was always such a strong man. My grandfather was an amazing kind of guy. He made the best pound cake in the whole world. No one came close. He also knew how to get his belt off faster than anyone else I knew. "Quit rompin' in the house! Like a bull in a china cabinet!!" Then the belt would come out, although I never saw him actually use it.

A few years ago we saw a decline in his health. He started forgetting things, looking lost, driving on the wrong side of the road (I know because I was in the car!). He became very emotional and less talkative. When we found out he had Alzheimer's Disease, we kind of already knew.

We were able to take Will to see him in January. I was so happy he got to spend some time with his great grandad. Pawpaw was overjoyed at him being there.

It's been 6 years since he was officially diagnosed and the decline has been slow and steady. One thing remains constant, the loving care of my grandmother.

She has taken such good care of my grandpa. Makes his food, feeds him, cleans his mouth. She talks to him even when he doesn't talk back. Watches him while he sleeps. Sits in lonely silence for hours when his mind is blank. And through it all, she loves him.

Can you imagine, sitting by the love of your life, your other half, your best friend, and not be able to speak whenever you wish about whatever's on your mind? Not be able to hear them say, "I love you"? Giving them a hugging and them not hugging you back? This is her life. every. day.

And it makes me think...

Is this how my Saviour feels? Is that what it's like for Him when He speaks  to me and I choose to ignore Him? When He wants to fellowship with me and I'm off in my own world...does He wait for me to respond? Does it make Him sad?

Yes. 

His Word tells us that it "greives" Him.

Psalm 95:10

Forty years long was I grieved with this generation, and said, It is a people that do err in their heart, and they have not known my ways:

Lord, help me to recognize You when You speak to me. Help me to listen for Your voice. Wake me out of my slumber and drowsiness of mind, so that I may draw nigh to You sweet voice.

Thank You, for Your unconditional, unfathomable, unending love. 

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A few more images from my time with my grandpa.

     

Right as I was about to leave their house to head back to Texas, I held his hand, told him I loved him and that I would be back soon. I didn't go into details, he might not understand. Right as I was about to leave, he squeezed my hand and said, " 'kay." 

I'll never forget it...my special moment with my Pawpaw.